Why Write the Book?

A genie grants you one wish. What do you wish for?

It’s the kind of question people answer casually all the time. Money, health, peace, saving baby seals? Something noble, something selfish? The what may differ for people, but that isn’t what really matters.

If you’re dealing with a genie whose kindness in giving the wish is rivaled by an unfortunate predilection towards misinterpreting it in every conceivable way, how the heck do you word it? The conversation with my 8 year old (we’ll call her “Susie”) went something like this:

Me: What would you wish for?

Susie: Candy!

Me: But the genie gives you fake candy. Is that what you want? 

Susie: No real candy!

Me: Okay. He gives you one real piece of candy.

Susie: Lots of real candy!

Me: He fills your bedroom with candy. You can’t even open the door to get to the candy.

Susie: Then I want lots of real candy that fits in my room!

Me: It all fits. Barely. You have to climb over it to get to your bed.

Susie: I want lots of real candy that fits in my room and doesn’t get in the way!

Me: Fine. He puts it all under your bed.

Susie: Good!

Me: But he puts it in wrappers that are made of unbreakable plastic, you can’t open any of it.

Susie: I want to be able to open the wrappers.

Me: Okay. But it’s all melted.

Susie: NO! Candy that isn’t melted!

Me: It’s frozen solid.

Susie: Candy that’s normal!

Me: Define “normal.”

Susie: DADDY!

Me: I’m just trying to keep you safe here.

Susie: I want lots of real, normal candy that tastes good!

Me: Excellent. It tastes good. Unfortunately, it’s poisonous.

Susie: Candy that tastes good and isn’t poisonous!

Me: You eat all of it and get sick.

Susie: Then I want lots of real, normal candy that tastes good and won’t make me sick!

Me: Done. Unfortunately, it makes everyone else sick.

Susie: Fine! I wish for a new kitten.

Me: Okay, but you’re going to get a 200-pound lion cub, and it’s hungry.

Susie: I hate genies.

This was the starting point for flifferschmeep. The most interesting part of a genuine wish is not the magic at all. It’s the game of cat-and-mouse between genie and wisher… which the wisher cannot possibly win.

The other point of flifferschmeep comes from my nearly 30 years of private practice as a lawyer, handling both court-related work and also some light document preparation. Depending on whom I’m dealing with on the other side, the smallest dispute can become so bogged down in details that it makes one want to scream! Yet, it isn’t a flaw but a feature: the devil of those details ensures that everyone gets exactly what they bargained for, and isn’t that exactly what we’re asking for from the genie? So if a genie ever gave you a wish, would you call your best friend or your lawyer?